Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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