So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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