In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am one with the molecules
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
