Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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