he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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