M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
