i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
