WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
