Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did i walk over a car last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize