I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
