he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
