You just made me feel so damn special
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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