Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
