i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
