This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize