The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
