I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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