do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
