he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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