Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
