seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
