how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
