Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
