I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
