His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
