it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
