Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
