I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
