We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
