you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
