idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
