I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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