Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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