just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize