dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
smell my finger.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
