you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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