I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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