So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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