I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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