He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
