She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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