The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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