Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
