fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
