Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
