I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
