I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
