I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
