awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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