I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
