From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
