I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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