I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
