the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
