walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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