i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
