There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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