Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
