I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
try to milk me bitch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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