part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
