Pappa wants mamma naked
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
