The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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