JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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