I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
