i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
